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Oct 31, 2019

So many things bother us, especially people. But pretty much everything has the power to upset our basic sense of well-being. Our tendency, when things bother us, is to blame the other person or situation for getting it wrong and thus causing our suffering. Once we have identified what we consider the cause of our disturbance, we usually set out to try and fix it. We attempt to change the other person's behavior or the situation into something we consider right, or at least something that will not bother us.

There is no doubt that people and situations can be the cause of our discontent. One of the topic that Esther Hicks talks about is that if a stranger calls you and says "You don't know me and I'm never going to talk to you again in my life" and then hung up. Would you care? Probably not, right? But what if someone who you love so much and may be you had an argument with him/her, calls you and says "I never ever want to talk to you again in my life" then your reaction is different. You don't feel good about it. You may go mad on him/her or you would think like oh my god! what did I do? I should've been nicer or something like that.

So the words were the same coming for two different people. For the stranger you care less, but for the someone who you love, then it's a different story.

So how can that change your reaction? It's the feelings that go right with it and the way you take it. But what if your reaction is like "Oh! that person might have a bad day and I'm sure it will be fine in a week or so. Is that a different reaction?

Is that kind of reaction makes you feel better first of all? If you take it that way then you might realize that sometimes other people have had a bad day and it has nothing to do with you. It's just the situation that goes with their reaction.

So this is not a post about how to more skillfully change those around us so that they can better fit into how we want them to be. This is about what happens when we are not successful at changing those around us, and cannot change the situation that is causing us pain.